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MONTREAL vs AMSTERDAM
Text: SHAWN BLORE
Illustration: JACQUES LAPLANTE
1. Soft Drink/Beer Ratio
I bought a half-litre of Grolsch at an Albert Heijn supermarket for a fraction of a gulden more than a similar volume of Coke. But even buying in bulk couldn’t disguise the vast guilt-inducing taxes heaped upon Montreal (alas, all Canadian) alcohol. Bonus points for availability in a generic Rue Sainte-Catherine depanneur.
In a perfect world, 1:1 or a score of 100; anything lower is sobering.
Montreal 22.6
Amsterdam 78.6
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2. Carbohydrate Comparison
The bagels from Montreal’s legendary Fairmount Bagels come in 11 chewy varieties. But nothing beats Vlaamse frites in Amsterdam, which are hot and salty and double-deep-fried (for which we deduct the Fat Factor). They rack up 19 bonus points for serving sauces like Dutch mayo, curry, satay and oorlog (war) – a combination of ketchup, mayonnaise and satay sprinkled with raw onions.
A Parisian croissant is a baseline 100; other carbs must rise to the challenge.
Montreal 89
Amsterdam 104
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3. Babe and Hunk Index
Amsterdam and Montreal averaged out about equally, but a closer look at the raw data reveals a curious pattern. In Amsterdam, babes and hunks paraded about in equal numbers. But in Montreal, the abysmal appearance of the men was made up for only by the extraordinary efforts of Montreal women. (What these lovelies do on Friday nights remains unknown – maybe date men from Amsterdam?)
Summed average of stylish head turners in a crowd of 100.
Montreal 46.8
Amsterdam 47.5
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4. Street Life Indicator
A walk down Amsterdam’s Leidsestraat offered pickled herring and poffertjes (puff pancakes served with icing sugar), street mimes and indigent foreigners begging for "train fare." Montreal’s Rue Sainte-Catherine offered roast chestnuts, hippie jewelry, bums with bilingual cardboard signs and – the data being gathered close to Christmas – cute coeds from McGill University serenading pedestrians with carols.
Percentage of goods and attractions available on a busy street or square.
Montreal 71
Amsterdam 71
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5. Public Order Index
Montrealers’ notorious penchant for jaywalking couldn’t even hold a candle to the gleeful lawlessness of the Dutch.
In Amsterdam, whether on foot or astride a bicycle, only one rule of traffic is observed: Trams have the absolute right of way. Yet the Taxi Trip Factor proves that traffic moves almost equally well in both cities (1.93 minutes/km in Amsterdam vs. 2.4 minutes/km in Montreal).
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Conclusion: Between two great port cities with lengthy pasts and slightly tawdry reputations, Amsterdam handily beats Montreal on the civilization scale – without even factoring in the fabled Dutch coffee houses.
Montreal 233.9
Amsterdam 343.2
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STANDINGS:
| Rio | 383.3 |
| Rome | 380.3 |
| Paris | 353.5 |
| Mexico | 346.1 |
| Amsterdam | 343.2 |
| Buenos Aires | 331.8 |
| Zurich | 325.8 |
| Berlin | 325.3 |
| London | 294.1 |
| Mumbai | 289.5 |
| San Francisco | 283.8 |
| Tokyo | 283.8 |
| Hong Kong | 281.5 |
| Moscow | 277.9 |
| Shanghai | 259.2 |
| New York | 255.1 |
| Toronto | 249.1 |
| Washington | 242.0 |
| Montréal | 233.9 |
| Los Angeles | 220.6 |
| Vancouver | 213.1 |
| Chicago | 197.1 |
Next Match : St. Petersburg vs. Havana – exclusively at enroutemag.com in December 2004.
Watch for a Civilization Index finale in January 2005. [ ]
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St. Petersburg vs Havana
Rome vs Buenos Aires
Washington vs Moscow
Mexico vs Tokyo
London vs Mumbai
Chicago vs Berlin
San Francisco vs Shanghai
Toronto vs Zurich
Hong Kong vs Vancouver
Montreal vs Amsterdam
New York vs Paris
Los Angeles vs Rio de Janeiro
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© 2004 enRoute is published monthly by Spafax Canada Inc. All rights reserved.
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