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IDLE WORSHIP
We can't all be millionaires – but we can learn to live like one. Need proof? We introduced a stressed-out city dweller to a divine swath of mexican coastline and all the ingredients of the good life. The results speak for themselves.

Text: MARIE BELMONT

I've set out on an experiment to find out how to live well – but not the rock star/celebrity brand of the high life, replete with ridiculous fashion statements, limos and a phalanx of bodyguards and personal assistants. That kind of living well has always seemed more like work than play. I’m more interested in the kind of lifestyle an aspiring minor tycoon could enjoy on vacation – that is, if the usual obstacles (like work, time and money) were removed from the equation.The location: It must offer seclusion, luxury and ample opportunities for leisure.On a lesser-known swath of Mexican beachfront called the Costa Alegre, between Manzanillo and Puerto Vallarta, two sister properties provide all the necessary conditions for this experiment.

El Careyes is a sherbet-coloured pueblo paradise of a hotel; a short distance away is El Tamarindo, a resort of private villas organically nestled in jungle so lush it was recently used as a film set, doubling for Costa Rica. (Tamarindo has a golf course, but I’ve decided to overlook this one potential flaw since some people would define this pastime as leisurely.)

The results? In this carefully controlled environment, I identified the necessary conditions that must be in place in order to live very well for a few days. I like to call them the Seven Habits of Highly Excellent Living.

1. Delegate Responsibility. I’m off to a carefree start when a driver meets me at the airport and whisks me and my tote bag full of bathing suits and flip-flops away. The drive is like a forced decompression, with nothing to do but peer curiously at the colourful little sun-baked villages we flash past. After paying the driver, I swear off currency for the duration of the trip. Why fumble with bills and coins when you can just sign your name and room number on the dotted line? I make sure to leave generous tips too. (No one likes a cheap millionaire.) My welcome at El Careyes includes a fruity beverage tasting of coconut and sunshine and a painless VIP check-in. Momentarily dismayed that I haven’t secured a waterfront suite with its own plunge pool (fire that personal assistant!), I quickly realize that I prefer the relative seclusion of my room, with its view of the pool and ocean. I remove my watch and unplug the clock radio in the bedroom. Within a day, I’m adept at telling the time by the sun – give or take a few hours – and flipping myself over whenever I feel cooked to well-done perfection. My movements are quickly reduced to within a small geographic triangle: pool, spa and airy suite (with the odd detour to the bar and restaurant for a cocktail or seafood fix).

2. Liquidate Assets. Salt water just feels good. In the serpentine, infinity-edged pools at both hotels, it literally buoys you up, making your movements seem graceful and effortless. (Even getting a salt-rimmed drink at Careyes’ swim-up bar requires minimal effort.) It’s all too easy to spend the day lolling between your thatched palapa-style bungalow and your private pool and whirlpool at El Tamarindo, just like the model in the fashion spread I saw in ELLE France last year (only perhaps not as leggy). Then there’s the ocean. In the evenings at Tamarindo, I can see couples getting their fill at tables perched on the beach or out on the pier that extends into the dark Pacific. I discover that my watery inclinations are right in line with an ancient, pre-Hispanic tradition in Mexico of the temascal (place where water is born), a cleansing ritual akin to a native North American sweat lodge ceremony. Twice a week on the El Tamarindo grounds, an igloo-like hut made of clay, cane sugar and herbs is heated sauna-style with hot rocks. After covering their bodies with a tingly, healing clay and rinsing off in the ocean, everybody crowds into the temascal to take the purifying steam and listen to healing chants and stories. Whether you believe in the hocus pocus, the intense heat and humidity are enough to melt worldly concerns away. The less spiritually inclined can sweat it out in the tiled steam room at El Careyes, intensely infused with handfuls of fresh herbs like lemon grass and basil.

3. Institute Damage Control. My wrists, elbows, forearms and feet are sore. All my little facial muscles, the ones that attach to my cheekbones are sore. All my little facial muscles, the ones that attach to my cheekbones and are being perpetually tugged downward by the vagaries of everyday life, are sore. Even my ankles, shins and earlobes are sore. This revelation comes to me courtesy of Yolanda, a lovely, matronly force of nature who ministers to my sorry corps in the European-style spa at El Careyes. "You work on a computer," she scolds as she prods the knotted, ropy confines of my back. She starts with the Velo de Novia (bridal veil) treatment: My body is swept with a stiff brush, then slathered with an ambrosial emulsion (made of yogurt, honey, avocado, cucumber, tropical fruits and salt) that is exfoliating and literally good enough to eat. When she waves her gifted hands over me in some kind of post-massage juju ritual, I swear I can feel all the negative energy whoosh out of the top of my head. I become her disciple, returning daily for a litany of massages, facials and reflexology. (Aspiring millionaires take note: To truly live well, stock each of your residences with a Yolanda.)

Over at El Tamarindo, the spa experience goes natural in a thatchedroof building, open to the ocean breezes, that’s divided into private cubicles for enjoying anything from a tropical fruit exfoliation to a foot massage. The ultimate is a massage in the intimate, private spa hut perched on the beach – you’ll never settle for a mere recording of the surf again.

4. Communicate Less. It would be heretical advice in any urban office environment, but lack of communication will set you free. Upon arrival, I automatically glance at my cellphone display, seeing those two little words that are normally so disconcerting: "No service." I spend my days voice mail, e-mail and nearly conversation free. (Not counting my rudimentary attempts at speaking Spanish, which consist mainly of essential phrases like "Margarita, por favor.") One morning, a phone call arrives for me from home; in my intensely relaxed state, I had forgotten to call to report my safe arrival. After trying my room, the hyper-helpful young receptionist checks the pool, bar and restaurant before tracking me down as I stroll across the terrazzo courtyard. "Mees Maria! Your seester ask you to call her." With a lazy wave and a smile, I thank her and promise "Mañana" (tomorrow). Besides "siesta," it’s my new favourite Spanish word.

5. Strive for Excellence. Sadly, I realize I have been settling for the mediocre all my life: less-than-fresh fruit, substandard blender drinks, faux catches of the day. No more. It’s impossible to dine that way at the table of Patricia Quintana (www.patriciaquintana.com), the Mexican culinary legend who designed the menus at El Careyes and El Tamarindo. The daily fresh sheet takes its name from one of her dozen cookbooks, The Cuisine of the Water Gods, and gathers inspiration from the myriad coastal cooking styles of Mexico. Although the choices are as far-reaching as a saffron-infused mussel risotto and a baby cactus salad, it’s the seafood that proves irresistible: tangy plump prawns ceviche, grilled fish with adobo sauce, a poblano pepper stuffed with a cream-sauced seafood mélange, fresh lobster with cilantro butter. Warm chocolate cake served on a puck of avocado ice cream, with its perfect pairing of runny warm and creamy cool, ruins me for all other desserts. (Note to self: Make next million bringing the unsung joys of avocado ice cream to the masses.)

6. Maximize Foreign Content. After a few days, a curious but welcome tropical climatization takes over my being. I wake up in the middle of the night freezing, finding the air conditioning – which I previously considered essential – actually uncomfortable. Open windows and lazy ceiling fans prove to be much more pleasant and in keeping with the local aesthetic. Even the resident wildlife at Tamarindo begins to grow on me, with coatis (raccoon-like animals) skittering through the bush and the odd sighting of wild deer or boars. There’s even a caiman (a small alligator) living on the golf course in the water hazard on the second hole, right in front of the clubhouse. Not only does the club pro seem unconcerned about it, he speaks of it with certain affection. That’s typical of the fetching, low-key attitude that even a lifelong urban dweller can learn to appreciate here. For instance, I notice that the golf course fairways and the long, hand-bricked service road that winds through Tamarindo’s 800 hectares take quirky twists and turns around spectacular tropical trees. I assume it’s an odd feature of the landscape architecture, but I’m wrong: The trees remain at the deliberate insistence of the property’s eco-friendly developer, who couldn’t bear to fell any more than was strictly necessary. How deliciously foreign.

7. Insist on Quality Not Quantity. Some days, as I see high-spirited people walking up the beach after a vigorous session of scuba diving or snorkelling, kayaking or catamaran sailing, I feel my old urban compulsions stirring. They’re easily quelled. While activity may be the foundation of other people’s holidays, for me it only hinders the ultimate goal of leisurely living. How unexpected to discover that leisure, not luxury, is the desired prize. I always thought vanity and ego compelled every minor mogul and celebrity to surround themselves with peons and assistants to do their every bidding. But maybe it’s really a canny ploy to put the petty details of everyday life into somebody else’s hands and free yourself up to do... nothing.

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MEXICO
Although Manzanillo and Puerto Vallarta are both within striking distance, El Careyes and El Tamarindo offer plenty to keep even the most idle vacationer busy.

WHERE TO STAY

EL CAREYES Part of the Starwood Luxury Collection, this 48-room boutique hotel has communal "outdoor living rooms" on the waterfront – great spots to watch the stunning sunsets.
KM 53.5 Carretera, Barra de Navidad, Costa Careyes
52-315-351-0000
www.luxurycollection.com

EL TAMARINDO This exclusive cluster of 29 private villas (looking like palapa-style huts) offers private plunge pools, whirlpools and huge spa-style bathrooms.
KM 7.5 Carretera Melaque y Puerto Vallarta
Cihuatlan, Jalisco
52-315-351-5032
www.luxurycollection.com

WHERE TO EAT

LANTANA RESTAURANT El Careyes offers a changing daily menu of Mexican coastal cuisine. Don’t miss the desserts.

TAMARINDO RESTAURANT Open-air dining in this thatched-roof poolside hut makes everything taste better. Arrange private meals in your villa, in the beach club, on the pier – anywhere your heart desires.

WHAT TO DO

ECOSPORTZ The outdoor excursion centre at Careyes will coordinate everything from mountain biking and horseback riding to guided tours of the nearby sea turtle sanctuary (careyes means tortoise shell).
52-315-351-0000, ext. 325
www.ecosportz.com

GOLF Even a non-golfer can marvel at the stunning ocean view from the 12th hole – and then there’s that tricky white-tee placement on the eighth that requires clearing a patch of jungle foliage to reach the fairway. (Thank course designers Robert Trent Jones Jr. and David Fleming.) Stop at the shady palapa-style snack bar on the ninth, and you just might forget about the back nine.
52-315-351-5032
www.grupoplan.com

TEQUILA The most famous Mexican spirit was born in the state of Jalisco, where the Costa Alegre is located. Most tequila still originates there, and any local bar will have an excellent selection that you won’t find in North American liquor stores. Look for varieties labelled "100-percent agave" (the cactus-like plant from which tequila is made); the highest grade is añejo, which turns a rich amber after one to five years of aging. (The worm is for tourists and suckers.)

INFORMATION
Mexico Tourism Board
1-800-446-3942
www.visitmexico.com

HOW TO GET THERE
Air Canada offers weekend flights (one flight each on Saturday and Sunday) to Puerto Vallarta from Toronto. The Costa Alegre is approximately a three-hour drive from Puerto Vallarta or two hours from Manzanillo.